Saturday, July 15, 2006

I don't know if this is just me, as in my nature, or if it's a byproduct of my job:

I spend 12-13 hours a day doing a bunch of shit for other people (I know, you do too, but sorry, this is my blog). When I get home, it's dark, generally has been for an hour and a half or so already. Sometimes I've eaten before I get home, sometimes I haven't. But I'm so zapped from organizing other people's travel, and their specific needs, for which they'll make what should be an easy choice into one that's harder than it needs to be, that it's all I can do to wind down and spend a couple of hours with the Mrs. before hauling myself off to bed. And that's something that it pains me to do each and every night, because it means that when I wake up, I have to do it all over again.

Today, now, I need to be mowing the yard and fighting some weeds, before we go to a couple of birthday things tonight. But in spite of the coffee I've had, the idea of getting up and doing something like that is tortures. The idea of doing anything for myself, for the house, whatever, is so very, very taxing. I'm tired just thinking about it. I have a problem with a little thing called will power, I know, but this is ridiculous.

So, a byproduct of my job, or an internal flaw? And that's a rhetorical question, by the way, unless you can give me some answer that in no way contains a cliche. And good luck with that, b/c I know mine would all be cliched. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard for me to get up and go outside if it wasn't for the fact that my work phone rang as I was getting out of bed this morning. That I had to put a plan B on hold for somebody, before breakfast, when maybe this was something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday. So this person can maybe attend a meeting that a published schedule hasn't shown him attending for 2 days. Or that it's just plain disheartening to think that I actually thought they wouldn't call me this weekend, which is the first thing to happen on Saturday morning.

I think what may suck the most for me right now, is that b/c I'm on call, I don't feel comfortable going out and having fun, doing my own thing, b/c I don't know that it won't get interrupted by work bullshit. So I can't get any release from the stress and pressures of work, b/c it feels like I'm always working.

Guess I'll go mow until my pocket vibrates, telling me to enact plan B or not.


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