Tuesday, February 08, 2005

the sound of Inevitability

In a span of less than 36 hours on Friday and Saturday, I was informed of 3 deaths. I kind of feel like I've been punched in the gut. I'm going to a service today in Austin, one tomorrow in Houston, and one Thursday also in Houston. This all follows another death in NYC of someone whom I didn't know but was with some people my sister-in-law knows when she was killed, murdered actually. Her name was Nicole DuFresne and the story made some national headlines. You can Google it if you want.

Two of these people were around my age and the other two were older, in their 70s. Murder. Unknown reason (at least for me as of now). Cancer. Failing health brought about by emphysema (I think). Mortality catches up with you in a variety of ways, all inescapable.

This life we live is nothing short of an adventure, not knowing what will happen from one day to the next. We wake up and anything is possible. Even our own deaths. I think about that sometimes. Driving someplace, I get the green light, and as I pull out into the intersection, a truck runs the light at 40 mph, spins me around like a top. Game over.

So I'm grateful that these... ends... of the adventure have a balance, a beginning somewhere else, in the body of a mother. Someone new to learn all that we have learned and are able to pass on. Props to the parents, those who have been, those who are, and those who will be for doing what they do.

It's easy to forget death, or to take it for granted, until it takes someone you know. Then, you get that reminder, the skeleton in the black robe with the scythe and the hourglass saying, "Remember me?" The timing of these events for me is, well, helpful on a personal level. (I've been schooled not to apologize here so I won't, but I hope anybody reading this doesn't take any disrespect as none is meant.) I passed up this job, a job of good money for a few different reasons, one of which was that I've got some personal projects bubbling up, and didn't want to put them on hold for 6 months. Also, money isn't everything and isn't the god at whose altar I wish to worship. I am, however, a procrastinator, a dreamer, a talker, and not as much of a doer as I'd like to be. So the choice is to continue down the path I'm on, or to go another way. Each one will come to an end at some unknown point. The difference is in what I've done while on the path. Nothing or something. Something or nothing. I've had this talk with myself before. Looking at the time between then and now, I didn't change to that other path. Maybe this time is different. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe...


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